It feels like the sky is crying for me right now.
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm
ok. How I'm coping. Everyone gives advice and hugs and tells me that it'll get easier. I really do have wonderful friends.
The problem is, I'm not
ok. I'm not coping. I can't see a time in the future where I'm happy.
I can't walk past him in the corridor without bursting into tears. I can't really do anything without crying.
People keep telling me that he's not
ok either, that he's hurting. This is supposed to make me feel better? If he's hurting so much, why did he dump me? Why doesn't he fix it?
I just don't understand how I'm supposed to keep going. How life goes on. I can't concentrate on anything, I can't do anything. I keep throwing up everywhere, I spent most of this morning doing that. I started crying just before English. I had to run out of Legal Studies to throw up. My studies are basically non existent, my chances at getting into my course are looking a lot worse than they were this time last week. I wish I could ask him if he think this is better, if this is easier. Because it's certainly fucking not for me.
Songs seem to be describing my life lately. This is Without You from Rent.
Without you, the ground thaws
the rain falls
the grass grows
Without you, the seeds root
the flowers bloom
the children play
The stars gleam
the poets dream
the eagles fly
without you
The Earth turns
the sun burns
but I die, without you
Without you, the breeze warms
the girl smiles
the cloud moves
Without you, the tides change
the boys run
the oceans crash
The crowds roar
the days soar
the babies cry
without you
The moon glows
the river flows
but I die without you
The world revives
colors renew
but I know blue
only blue
lonely blue
willingly blue
Without you
Without you, the hand gropes
the ear hears
the pulse beats
Without you, the eyes gaze
the legs walk
the lungs breathe
The mind churns
the heart yearns
the tears dry without you
Life goes on
but I'm gone
'cause I die, without you
